Be You. Get More. Without Apology.

Stop "Shoulding" Yourself

career career change career transition clarity direction job search stuck Aug 16, 2022

Are you in career limbo? Wanting to make a change but having NO CLUE what comes next? Getting clear on what you want can be easy, if you know who to listen to.

Time and time again we've experienced a moment where we've made a decision based on what we should want, or what our parents expect of us, or what we deem we are good at but have no interest in it at all! Sound familiar? You’re not alone, so many women go through the struggle of putting other people's needs before their own and, most of the time, it’s completely unconscious. 

Here’s the thing though, doing what other people think you should do, will not make you happy. Everyone has an opinion on your life (seriously though, right?), the trick is figuring out and listening to what you want. 

The best gift you could ever give the world, your children, your partner, your work and yourself, is your own happiness.

That won’t come from listening to other people’s ideas of what you should want, but from you. 

Many of our clients started the Propeller Experience pretty clear on what they didn't want. Where they struggled was in articulating what they did want. 

I saw it just yesterday in our Growth Lab Mastermind session. Jolene was diving into the first module mindset work, exploring what she wanted and identifying her goals (we call it an aiming point). Her energy was low as she talked about her skills and experience, what she could do. About how much money she could make if she took a new role within her organization. What she should do now that she was a Mom.

The group all picked up on the low energy and challenged her on it “but, Jolene if anything was possible, what would you want to do”. Her whole face changed, it lit up! She replied “I know what I would do but I’m too afraid to say it out loud”. The group encouraged her to say it, out loud. And she did… 

Sometimes, most times, we need a little support to identify and quiet the “shoulds”, and a little encouragement to listen to those whispers telling us what it is that we truly want. It feels scary, but it is your happy, and remember, your happy is the greatest gift you can give the world!

So how do you quiet the “shoulds”? 

First recognize that the shoulds and coulds are a product of your subconscious. Go easy on them, they’re just trying to keep you safe. Your subconscious doesn’t want you to fail, it will always try to keep you in your lane - to what you know. Like Jolene above, she knows what she can do, where her expertise could be used and what she should be doing. She had to lower those unconscious barriers in order to consider what it was that she truly wanted. 

When you notice you’re “shoulding'' yourself, gracefully thank your subconscious and assure them that you are not taking action right now, simply dreaming and exploring. Reassure them that you will come back to them later to discuss it. Saying it out loud may also help you to become more aware of the inner beliefs that are holding you back. 

How can you turn up the volume of your whispers?  

Now that you’ve quieted down the noise - let’s get out of your head and into your heart. Find a quiet space, put on a visualization meditation (we have an awesome one on our online classroom) and listen to yourself. If anything is possible, what do you want? 

When you look down at your new baby, what do you think they can be, do or have in their future? ANYTHING!!!! Well, trying thinking of yourself as that baby - what do you want to be, do or have - with no limits!!

Let us know what you came up with in the comments below. This can feel like scary stuff my friends but this community is about supporting you, cheering you on as you become more you (and get what you want of course!)

Want to learn more about how we're helping women just like you reconnect with their professional potential and reimagine what their career could look like? Book a call in with one of our Senior tellent leaders to learn more. 

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